So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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