So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
