How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
