At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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