apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
