I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
