My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
