Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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