I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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