as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
