you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh god it's open bar.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
