Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
