I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
