I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
