We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
