My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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