did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
