Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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