she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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