I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
