Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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