it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
