I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
