You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
