just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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