guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
