dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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