That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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