You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
