you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
