wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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