I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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