I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I need a burrito and a hug.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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