We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
