Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
