Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
