Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
