so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
