u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
