i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
a search helicopter?!
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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