i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you inspire me to be a worse person
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
