Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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