for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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