after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
