I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
