why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
