Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
