He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Randomize
