we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
