I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
