Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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