I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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